Here I am sitting at my desk at four thirty in the morning, finally with the urge to blog in a while. I’m currently listening to my Radiohead playlist. I love how music is always able to bring out certain feelings within me and really let them manifest so that I can just sit and marinate in them as I just think for once. Oh God, how I’ve been wanting just time to myself to think, and draw. I finally have it, but at the expense of sleep. Then again, I didn’t really feel like sleeping tonight anyways. I haven’t really been able to sleep recently. I keep waking up, coming in and out of sleep. Too much thinking again, Allen. I don’t know why I don’t feel like sleeping. Well, I do, but at the same time, I don’t because I love sleep so much, so why wouldn’t I want to go to sleep. Sleep is so good, but also such a waste of time. I wish there were more hours in the day.
Besides just wanting to finally stay awake past everyone just to get some time to myself to just sit and think without looking like a weirdo within the apartment, I guess I needed to catch up on reading. I mean, I don’t guess, I HAVE to catch up on reading. I was supposed to be caught up on all these readings by last Monday. Oh dear, I should finish in time for class tomorrow, but if I don’t Henri is going to kill me. Hahahaha but I should be fine. I’m done reading for tonight so I’m just gonna do some blogging from some recent thought gathering. I really need my own place. That would be so great. Sigh. I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Again. But about everything. Especially my future, with my finishing up with school in about 5 weeks, I need to really get my life on track. I want to draw, design, make things, so that I can, first of all, finally get some more personal experience, and, second, get some more stuff for my portfolio, which is still on my list of things to re-vamp, again. Sigh. MY LIFE IS A BIG SIGH. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA. I told this to my friend a while ago and I thought it was funny. I’ve realized that I work better and am much more inspired under stressful, sleepless, and emotional conditions. I love this feeling of thoughts coming in, thoughts going out, images being created, ideas being lit, all within my head. It really is amazing. Especially with my eyes half shut from the weight of lack of sleep. I need to wake up early and finish reading all these interviews. Then I need to eat, and then get my ass flyering. Then to class. Even with only two classes this quarter, I feel like I have a shitload of work to do. I need a job too. So much to do, so little time.
I’ve also realized recently that a lot of the things I do within my life, the decisions I make, the memories that are created, are all a result of faith and/or instinct. Everything I do is based almost purely on faith and/or instinct, but I think its okay because, for the most part, my instinct is pretty darn good if I say so myself, and my faith has never deterred me the wrong way, at least not that I know of. I think its both a bad and good way to lead life, but I like the direction its going so far, so hopefully it leads me somewhere grand. I have faith! :) Man, I just want to draw and design something. I’ve had this recent urge to just sit down and draw, but every time I sit down to do so, I realize I have work to do and then when I take a break from that work, I don’t want to draw. I need like a day of free time to draw. Maybe this weekend. Okay the beer is settling in and I’m getting sleepy, so I shall finally set off to bed. I’ll upload a nice photo entry soon. Shit, I need to really update my flickr.. SIGH.
